Weighty matters

Doctors are great. Doctors are great until they make you step on a scale and tell you how much weight you’ve gained since the previous year (even though you haven’t grown taller).  I know I should be above this, but I can’t help but try to wear my lightest clothes for my annual weigh-in.  And why is it that they insist that you keep your shoes ON when you step on the scale?  HELLO! Those are extra unnecessary pounds that will forever be written on my record.

It’s funny, but I think many of us would be quicker to share our GPA, annual household income, or the number of white hairs we’ve found on our head, than to disclose our true weight. (insert collective *shudder*). Outwardly we’re really nonchalant about it.  But when we go to friend’s homes and find a scale in their bathroom, do we not stare at it and secretly dare ourselves to find out what judgment day holds for us?  Will it be a win for all woman-kind, or a meteoric loss?  When we return to the dinner table, will we take on dessert as our just reward, or will we politely decline the soda/wine for the non-caloric water? …Or is that just me?

I’ve discovered over time that most women struggle with weight/body image. I think many of us have come to the same conclusion. If we all know this, then why does our culture promote this weird, “being concerned about your weight is sooo passé” mentality?  I’m kind of shocked when I hear girls brag about being able to eat anything and everything without gaining a pound (when I know that they personally struggle with body image a lot).  Or when girls welcome less-than-edifying jokes from guys about being “beasts” or “manly” because they would rather be disparaged by guys than be rejected by them. (As a side note for our male-subscribers: please don’t do that. Words hurt and women will never show it on the outside. Please think of your future daughters and how you’d want them to be treated.  Please treat women as the cherished daughters of God that they are.)

Sisters, we’re all broken.  Broken by wounds of the past, wounds of insecurity, and the lies that bombard us day and night.  What would a godly sisterhood look like if we tried to mend each other’s wounds and promote a culture of safety and healing?  Instead of bragging about how much we can eat and still fit into those tiny pants, what if we boasted about our insecurities and our effort to find worth in Christ?  Instead of hiding our insecurities about our fluctuating body weight, what if tried to remain steadfast in the light of Christ and our sisterhood of believers?  As God’s cherished daughters, let’s live as those who ARE cherished.

“…to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.” Isaiah 61:3

a mother’s heart & spiritual family

A missionary couple came to share God’s Word and God’s heart with us in Ann Arbor last weekend. Out of the many testimonies and powerful things that God did during the revival, the most impressionable thing that I remember is the time that they spent with our leaders. As they were sharing from their humility and own brokenness as parents, the pastor’s wife said something that really sank deeply into many hearts- “On behalf of your parents, I wanted to say that I’m sorry- we’re sorry for our mistakes and shortcomings.” We had spent a mere .75 days with them, and yet their surrogate apology was medicine for a lot of aching hearts in that room. I could hardly contain my tears as I thought about my own struggles with my parents.

Coming out of those few days, we headed into our One Desire Fast. Oddly enough, God laid a lot of burdens about my family on my heart, which led to some very long, hard, yet rewarding conversations with my mom that week. I grew up having to get used to not having her around a lot. She was always working to provide for our family, coming home for a late dinner, often without sufficient energy to spend time with us due to her failing health.  It wasn’t until college that I started building a relationship with her over the phone (text messages will never replace a good old fashioned phone call!) Even over time and distance, I realized that she had always been my advocate, my friend, and someone who was able to show me grace in the midst of all of my rebellion and waywardness during my teenage years.

(a picture w/ my parents from my college graduation)

This past week was no different. I felt so ashamed as I painfully delivered yet another confession of my failure in an area of my life that God has been trying to correct. I didn’t want to tell her because I didn’t want to disappoint her, but I realized that it was not honoring to them to try and deal with this situation on my own. I feared the wrath that I thought was sure to come, but was instead met with a humbling response of rebuke, grace, and love. The main thing she wanted to know was why I hadn’t told her sooner. She didn’t hide her disappointment in the poor decisions that I had made, but she was also unwavering in her commitment to helping me in my situation. Her sacrifice to make up for my mistake was a tearful reminder of the gospel message. While they aren’t perfect, I’m thankful for my godly parents. I am finally understanding the truth and wisdom in this:

Ephesians 6:1-3 — 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.2 “Honor your father and mother”–which is the first commandment with a promise–3 “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Perhaps you don’t have godly parents or maybe grieve over a broken family. May I encourage you to remember that you are rich in Christ through the spiritual family of believers? Has God placed anyone within your church community that plays the role of a spiritual mother, father, sister, or brother to you? Indeed, I’m more thankful that my parents are my spiritual family more so than that they are my earthly ones!

Coming back full circle, I think the way that this missionary couple ministered to us specifically in a “parental” manner really made this passage come alive for me:

1 Timothy 5:1-2 — 1 Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, 2 older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.

I’m praying for more inter-generational relationships to be built within our church community. I believe that we can be a powerful demonstration and vehicle of redemption of what it truly means to be a family- the way that God meant for it to be.

Laundry Thoughts

When I lived in the United States, I used to associate weather with what activities I can do outside for the day (take a trip to the park, go for a run, etc). Since I’ve moved to Indonesia, I have made a new association with weather. LAUNDRY. When it’s a sunny day, I instantly think about how many loads I need to wash and whether I have enough drying rack space to dry all my laundry for the day. When it’s a rainy day, I gloomily think about my laundry that is piling up and then anticipate the next day’s weather.

When I hang my laundry, I often think about my friend who had lived overseas for a number of years. About a month before coming to Indonesia, I was telling her about my woes about not having a clothes dryer in Indonesia, but she assured me that she learned to love drying her laundry without a dryer for the following reasons: it’s green; it saves money; and it makes clothes last longer.  I gawked at her as I thought about the crunchy towels and the stiff clothes I’d have to put on my children. I dreaded the time it was going to take to hang every article of wet clothing as opposed to just throwing everything in the dryer. However, as I have gotten accustomed to life here, I realize that my friend was right and I was just being a narrow-minded drama queen. Actually, hanging laundry is now strangely quite soothing to me. Each morning as I’m hanging my laundry, I have about ten minutes of alone time (even if I’m not completely alone as my son runs around), when I can enjoy the morning air, hang laundry, say hello to neighbors and, most importantly, thank God for teaching me that what I knew as the best way of life was not necessarily the best.  And then I wonder: what are some other habits or perceptions I have that need to be changed for the better?  I’ll keep thinking…gotta go hang some laundry!

So far so good

As an update to my last post, I did decide to take a trial break from Facebook to see how it would affect my daily life. (It’s funny how Facebook only entered my life a couple years ago, but I already couldn’t remember what my world was like without it.) It’s been less than a week, and so far it has actually been less painful than I’d imagined, and more liberating than I’d expected!

Day 1 was the worst. I felt it the minute I woke up. I rolled over in bed, reached for my phone, checked my email, and then felt the absence of the Facebook app from my phone. I suffered from withdrawal throughout the day, but at the same time, each twinge of loss was mixed with the satisfaction of victory over ‘the force.’

Each day the withdrawal subsided, and I found myself enjoying my Facebook-free life.  I felt more focused, spent less time playing around on my phone, and thought of alternate ways to build my friendships. I’m even considering sending handwritten letters via mail (not E-mail, but good old snail mail), something I used to do pretty often with old friends.

So for now, I’ll continue with this experiment, even if it means having to spend 44 cents to ‘poke’ a friend.

*On a side note, I came across this interesting video the other day. Just to be clear, I don’t want to condemn Facebook after a 3-day break – there are definitely some benefits to social networking. But I will say that it made me think about how my daily behavior, whether online or offline, affects my relationships with friends and even my spouse. I pray that I’ll be cultivating healthy habits in my daily life that will honor my husband, family and friends.

http://www.cnn.com/video/?hpt=hp_mid#/video/bestoftv/2012/01/02/erin-facebook-divorce.cnn

It’s decision time

There’s been a blogpost brewing in my head for awhile. It’s about something that most people can’t live without, something that has invaded the lives of millions around the world.  I was literally a day away from drafting something up when I ran across this article:

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationship/blog/27720-a-new-yearwithout-facebook

This was my article!!! Some stranger from who-knows-where just got into my head!  We might as well slap my name on top and substitute the word ‘infant son’ anywhere she refers to her ‘infant daughter.’

So, what delayed me from writing my article?  I had a dilemma: I didn’t know what action I should take (if any) once I publicly voiced my opinions. Could I, with clear conscience, stay active on Facebook after I publish these thoughts? Or would my conscience compel me to call it quits?

After reading the article once, I was ready to press ‘delete’ or ‘deactivate’ or however Facebook allows you to cut the cord.  After reading some of people’s comments and responses below the article, I started to chicken out. After reading the article twice, I was re-inspired to walk away. As I started typing my own post, I chickened out again when I realized the great irony: I found this inspirational article on (dun dun dun…) Facebook.  Fear set in: where am I going to find inspiring content if not from Facebook feeds?  How am I going to keep in touch with people halfway around the world?  What am I going to do?

Let me pause here and give one important disclaimer: I don’t want anyone to feel judged if they continue to stay active on Facebook. If you ever run into me, don’t feel like you have to hide the fact that you are a Facebook fanatic. We each have our different personal strengths and struggles, and what helps or hinders our spiritual health and growth differs from person to person.

As for me, I’m still mulling over what action I should take. I’ll give myself a deadline to make a decision before the sparkly ball drops at midnight.

Legacy

Earlier this month, my father’s extended family got together in California to celebrate my grandma’s 90th birthday. It is incredible to imagine living that long (she’s more than 90x
older than my son!) There were 4 generations gathered together in one place, since my cousins and I now have kids.

My grandma is an incredible woman of faith and courage. She and my grandfather led their children out of Northern Korea during the Korean War before the border was shut. I’ve heard stories of how my grandfather was imprisoned at one point, and she went daily to the prison to fight for his release. They eventually brought the whole family out to Argentina and then to the U.S., all so that future generations could have a better future. It’s stories like theirs that remind me to never take my life, freedom and opportunities here in the U.S. for granted.As I looked around and saw 4 generations gathered in one room, I saw my grandma’s legacy of faith and courage right in front of me. Most of our extended family is walking faithfully with the Lord, thanks to the prayers and discipleship of my grandparents. I was truly challenged to live my life so that I could one day leave behind such a legacy of faith, that my son and his chidren and grandchildren could be blessed.

I love this song, hope it blessed you too:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3GxmLaaAwg

More to consider..

I know I already posted a funny boy/girl pie chart.  And I do NOT want to become “THAT girl” who only posts about relationships and guy/girl drama. But I cannot NOT post this.

Some disclaimers:

1. This video was NOT created by a Christian organization (so call off your “Christians hate relationships!” protest)
2. This video may or may not be statistically true (but as of now, 9,605 people “like” it)
3. This video is hilarious and once again, says something about the nature of women

I am not endorsing the fact that men and women cannot or should not be friends.  But I think there are some things that stand out that I think we as women should consider:

1. Are our relationships with men honoring to God and also, honoring to them?
2. Why do these relationships appeal to us?  What do we gain from them?
3. When we want something (friendship, relationship, career, etc), do we make up our own rules of right and wrong – just so that we can get our way? (Regardless of how it may affect other people?)
4. Does our insecurity play any part to how tightly we hold onto our relationships?

I’ve definitely had my fair share of “guy friendships” go awry. My once defensive and naive position of “we’re just friends” has quickly gone out the window along with my “there’s NOOOO way anything would ever happen” motto.  Many times, I was either fooling myself about how I felt or how he felt. While I’m definitely no expert at friendship (with guy or girl), I do know that every relationship needs a lot of humility, honesty and honor.

True or False?

I saw this online and couldn’t help but laugh. I’ve heard my fair share of complaints about men playing too many games with women.  But are they the only guilty ones?

SINS

Recently, I’ve been thinking about the sin of omission and the sin of commission. I first learned this concept my 2nd year in college as I read “The Life You’ve Always Wanted” by John Ortberg. Very simply put, sin of omission is when we sin by not doing what we’re supposed to be doing, while sin of commission is when we sin by doing what we’re not supposed to be doing. I go back and forth between which sin I’m more guilty of. An example of sin of omission is this: you feel like God has laid it on your heart to start praying about something regarding the future. However, because you fear what that future will look like, you put it off and don’t pray or even think about it. Instead you continue on with your busy life, all the while feeling the Holy Spirit nagging at you. I think that falls under the category of sin of omission because you are deliberately choosing to not do what God is putting on your heart to do. Okay, that’s just an example. Continue reading for the real example(s).

The sin of omission that I’ve observed many women (me, too, I’m a woman) guilty of is not confronting one another. Whether it’s to clear up a miscommunication, address a sin issue, or even just apologize, so many women would rather put it off than be bold enough to do it. The problem that I see with this is that it causes you to sin even more ! While you are just “putting it off” you are also not loving the person, being fake, being selfish, and possibly even talking about it with other people. (Now, it becomes sins of commission!) I realize that there’s a deeper issue beneath the “putting it off”, and maybe what God wants is a deeper transformation in you than just learning to confront.

The sin of commission that I often see in women is lying. White lie, fib, exaggerate, denial, or just staying mum, whatever you wanna call it, it’s NOT THE TRUTH. We are all guilty of it, and it’s no easy task to break out of this either. There are soooo many reasons women (and men) do this and it’s worth digging into it on your own. I’ve been trying to tackle this in two ways. One is by praying that God gives me a heart that truly fears the Lord, to really know that while he is a merciful and loving God, there will come a day when I will be kept accountable for everything that I think, say, and do with my life. The second way is by praying that the Holy Spirit gives me a greater sense of self-awareness so that when I do think/talk/react, that I will realize more of what it is that I’m actually doing.

But this is soooo hard to do, definitely impossible without the grace of God and guidance of the Holy Spirit, so don’t try to tackle it on your own!

[Bad] Kid at Heart

There’s nothing like a malfunctioning GPS and immediate family that brings out the kid in me – and I mean that in the worst way possible.It was Thanksgiving afternoon, and my husband, son and parents were in the car driving back from Chicago’s Chinatown, after lunch with my husband’s family. We plugged our end destination into the GPS and jumped on the highway, but a few miles later the GPS suddenly changed routes on us.  After a few minutes of frustration, I was ready to throw my husband’s new phone out the window.

After the incident, my husband asked me why I reacted to poorly.  I realized that, for better or worse, I felt free to act however I want in front of my own parents. I reverted back to some pre-teen bratty version of myself. Believe me, I would have been a LOT more patient and restrained if HIS parents were in the car!  It was a healthy dose of humility to realize that despite my status as wife and mother, I am still a [misbehaving] kid at heart, who needs to continually grow in patience, grace and consistency of character.