True or False?

I saw this online and couldn’t help but laugh. I’ve heard my fair share of complaints about men playing too many games with women.  But are they the only guilty ones?

SINS

Recently, I’ve been thinking about the sin of omission and the sin of commission. I first learned this concept my 2nd year in college as I read “The Life You’ve Always Wanted” by John Ortberg. Very simply put, sin of omission is when we sin by not doing what we’re supposed to be doing, while sin of commission is when we sin by doing what we’re not supposed to be doing. I go back and forth between which sin I’m more guilty of. An example of sin of omission is this: you feel like God has laid it on your heart to start praying about something regarding the future. However, because you fear what that future will look like, you put it off and don’t pray or even think about it. Instead you continue on with your busy life, all the while feeling the Holy Spirit nagging at you. I think that falls under the category of sin of omission because you are deliberately choosing to not do what God is putting on your heart to do. Okay, that’s just an example. Continue reading for the real example(s).

The sin of omission that I’ve observed many women (me, too, I’m a woman) guilty of is not confronting one another. Whether it’s to clear up a miscommunication, address a sin issue, or even just apologize, so many women would rather put it off than be bold enough to do it. The problem that I see with this is that it causes you to sin even more ! While you are just “putting it off” you are also not loving the person, being fake, being selfish, and possibly even talking about it with other people. (Now, it becomes sins of commission!) I realize that there’s a deeper issue beneath the “putting it off”, and maybe what God wants is a deeper transformation in you than just learning to confront.

The sin of commission that I often see in women is lying. White lie, fib, exaggerate, denial, or just staying mum, whatever you wanna call it, it’s NOT THE TRUTH. We are all guilty of it, and it’s no easy task to break out of this either. There are soooo many reasons women (and men) do this and it’s worth digging into it on your own. I’ve been trying to tackle this in two ways. One is by praying that God gives me a heart that truly fears the Lord, to really know that while he is a merciful and loving God, there will come a day when I will be kept accountable for everything that I think, say, and do with my life. The second way is by praying that the Holy Spirit gives me a greater sense of self-awareness so that when I do think/talk/react, that I will realize more of what it is that I’m actually doing.

But this is soooo hard to do, definitely impossible without the grace of God and guidance of the Holy Spirit, so don’t try to tackle it on your own!

[Bad] Kid at Heart

There’s nothing like a malfunctioning GPS and immediate family that brings out the kid in me – and I mean that in the worst way possible.It was Thanksgiving afternoon, and my husband, son and parents were in the car driving back from Chicago’s Chinatown, after lunch with my husband’s family. We plugged our end destination into the GPS and jumped on the highway, but a few miles later the GPS suddenly changed routes on us.  After a few minutes of frustration, I was ready to throw my husband’s new phone out the window.

After the incident, my husband asked me why I reacted to poorly.  I realized that, for better or worse, I felt free to act however I want in front of my own parents. I reverted back to some pre-teen bratty version of myself. Believe me, I would have been a LOT more patient and restrained if HIS parents were in the car!  It was a healthy dose of humility to realize that despite my status as wife and mother, I am still a [misbehaving] kid at heart, who needs to continually grow in patience, grace and consistency of character.

the best deal

It would be so nice to tell you everything that I’m thankful for given that we’re headed into Thanksgiving and all, but there’s something else that’s on my mind.

Can we talk about Black Friday for a minute? Here’s an excerpt to bring you up to speed:

A brief history (source: TIME http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1942935,00.html#ixzz1eXnwZerQ )

As early as the 19th century, shoppers have viewed Thanksgiving as the traditional start to the holiday shopping season, an occasion marked by celebrations and sales. Department stores in particular locked onto this marketing notion, hosting parades to launch the start of the first wave of Christmas advertisements, chief among them, the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, running in New York City since 1924. The holiday spree became so important to retailers that during the Great Depression, they appealed to President Franklin D. Roosevelt in 1939 to move Thanksgiving up in order to stretch out the holiday shopping season.…

The term Black Friday itself was originally used to describe something else entirely — the Sept. 24, 1864, stock-market panic set off by plunging gold prices. Newspapers in Philadelphia reappropriated the phrase in the late 1960s, using it to describe the rush of crowds at stores. The justification came later, tied to accounting balance sheets where black ink would represent a profit. Many see Black Friday as the day retailers go into the black or show a profit for the first time in a given year. The term stuck and spread, and by the 1990s Black Friday became an unofficial retail holiday nationwide. Since 2002, Black Friday has been the season’s biggest shopping day each year except 2004, according to market-research firm ShopperTrak.

As much as we roll our eyes at how men seem to remember every stat about every player and every team in every sport for every year, I’ve seen women know how much 25% off a $39.95 sweater comes out to without blinking an eye. Shopping has become a sport, of sorts. We show off our best bargains and retell stories of how we spent hours scouring through the pile in the back of the dressing room to find the “perfect blouse” that had a minor defect that marked it down to like 80% off 5 minutes before they closed the store. It’s like draining that three pointer as the buzzer goes off after faking out three guys from the other end of the court. Yup, it’s a full on sport.

There’s a certain thrill when I come out of a store valiantly having conquered every full-priced item that dared come against me. The best feeling in the world is when I have gift cards and coupons to use on already marked down items to get a $250 clothing item for mere dollar bills. The higher the face value, the bigger the margin, the higher my satisfaction seems to be. Are we on the same page so far, ladies? You know what I’m talking about. We know a good deal when we see one.

But do we really?

When’s the last time you felt THAT GOOD about the gospel? The best deal that we could have ever gotten or will ever get, is the free gift of salvation that we’ve received from God. The best “black Friday” was “Good Friday”; the day that Jesus paid for our sins on the cross, purchasing salvation for us. Hallelujah! Now THERE’S something to be thankful for

There’s nothing wrong with shopping, but let’s never replace our spiritual wealth with the temporary goods we have here on earth. If you still can’t resist the urge to clip some coupons, I made some for you (click to enlarge):

privilege

My husband is starting a company [insert shameless plug here: check out truApp.me!!!], and we just had a ‘company Thanksgiving dinner.’ As I sat around the table with this group of incredibly hard-working, creative, talented people, I felt an overwhelming sense of privilege.  I felt privileged:

1) To be a lifelong partner to my passionate, entrepeneur of a husband: we are complete opposites in so many ways. I would never be able to experience the adventure of starting a company if I didn’t marry into it.  He’s pulled me onto a rollercoaster ride, and there’s no getting off.

2) To witness the dedication and unity of this team, and to be a part, even if it means that my role as a full-time mom means opening my home to them and filling them with food and coffee so that they can keep on designing, programming, networking, envisioning.

3) To be able to live and work for things that we are actually passionate about. I confess, I can’t take credit for this one; Jeremy, one of the team members, mentioned this one.

Privilege…may I never lose it!

A Red Sea-sized miracle

As Thanksgiving approaches, I’m reminiscing about past Thanksgiving holidays, particularly the ones back when I was in college. I remember feeling a mix of emotions:  excitement for a break from school, the fusion Thanksgiving feast with turkey, stuffing, rice and kimchee (Korean pickled radish), extra sleep… mixed with dread of the same old lectures about my GPA, why med school is my best and onlyoption, and how I spent too much time at church. (I know, crazy, right? What parents complain that their kids go to church?!)With the luxury of hindsight, I look back and see how my relationship with my parents has come such a long way. If ‘present me’ traveled back in time and told ‘past me’ that our relationship would be what it is now, I would have laughed. ‘Past me’ thought that changing my parents was ten times harder than parting the Red Sea and walking on water, combined!

But over the years, God has truly done a miraculous work both in my parents and also in me. Somehow, He has taught them to release their control over my life and entrust my path to God, and He’s taught me how to see things through their eyes, especially now that I have a child of my own. I never thought that we could find ourselves on the same page, but the God of the Red Sea, the God who walked on water, has pulled another trick out of his sleeve.  In the words of my husband, “Yay God!”

Everyone has a desire to be known.

And as long as we’re known for something, we feel safe, like we have a place in the world, in society, even church. That’s why we have things like a “Hall of Fame” page in high school yearbooks that showcase “The Class Clown”, “Most likely to be the President of the United States” and “Most Popular”. Never mind that it’s probably not true, but it makes those selected few feel absolutely awesome, and the rest absolutely depressed. Why? Because the rest of us don’t feel known!

Then a whole trail of questions follows …

“Well, why am I not known?”
“Is there something wrong with me?”
“Why can’t I be a little more like her?”
“Doesn’t anyone see all that I do?”

My journey in Indonesia has partly been about this, and I’ve asked all the questions above. Coming to a new place where nobody knew me fueled the insecure girl in me to want to be known even more. The past 17 months have been a grueling, I mean refining, process of God un-doing and de-programming me from my self-centered and build-my-own-kingdom tendencies to learn (and learn over and over again) that only one thing really matters. I’m known by Him.

One summer night, my friend and I caught glimpse of a little girl and her dad. The girl and the dad were face to face holding hands, and then in the next second he threw her up in the air. He kept on going- tossing her higher and higher. We were at first really worried for the little girl. But the shrieks and squeals that soon came after reassured us that she was absolutely thrilled. I think we stared at them for a good few minutes.

Do you think it mattered that people were watching them or were even around them? Do you think she cared whether people knew who she was or not? No, because only one thing mattered. She was known by her dad.

But the [wo]man who loves God is known by God. 1 Corinthians 8.3

Girls, let’s pursue this journey together.

Friendships

      My sophomore year in college!

Who are my friends? Have you ever asked this question before? I did during my senior year in college. It was a time when my friends and I were figuring out what we were going to do after college and where we would be located. I knew that our futures would take us on different paths, so it made me wonder who I would stay in touch with.

The Barna Group asked women to identify conditions that would create a desirable life and three-quarters of U.S. women (75%) said that having close, personal friendships was one.

This desire for close, personal friendships and what it looked like were things I began to think about in my senior year of college. While the majority of my friends left the campus and relocated, I decided to stay on my campus and make it my home until God called me elsewhere. It was during this time that I began to better understand biblical friendships.

 Aside from learning that (1) before I can have Christ-centered relationships, Jesus needs to be the center of my life, (2) biblical friendships must be built on a different set of blue prints…i.e. the Bible, and (3) I have to be intentional to build up my friendships, (4) I have learned that friendships come in all shapes and sizes. It doesn’t matter if they are older, younger, passing friends or friends for a long period of time; I’m learning that each relationship God brings is His way of blessing and refining me.

The writers of the girlmatters blog are some friendships that come in all shapes and sizes. I probably would not have built a friendship with them if we didn’t serve in ministry together. I’m thankful for them and for the ways they support and encourage me to love God more. C. S. Lewis said, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.”

As I’m getting older (turned 40 this year!), I’m realizing how valuable women friendships are, especially as we face challenges and difficulties of life. I hope you are all building Christ-centered friendships and opening your hearts to receive those friendships that come in different shapes and sizes. I’d love to hear what you have been learning about Christ-centered friendships!

spaces

Bronx Park East, a new single-room occupancy residence, in the Bedford Park neighborhood in the Bronx. Jonathan Kirschenfeld Architect P.C. (click for article)

An article in the New York Times  recently highlighted the significance of new housing models that reflect a changing New York. Here’s an excerpt:

“Isn’t the idea here to improve mental health?” Mr. Kirschenfeld said. “Isn’t good architecture part of that?”

It is, and Bronx Park East, like other S.R.O.’s Mr. Kirschenfeld has designed in the city, lends dignity to what at least used to be a byword for urban pariah and a building type that often resembled a prison.
…
Households have evolved. But New York’s housing stock hasn’t. In essence, New Yorkers have increasingly had to adapt to the housing we’ve got, instead of designing and building the housing that suits who we have become.

What does this have to do with girl matters?

In this world, women are under a lot of pressure. Society spits out manufactured molds of what the model woman ought to be- put together, pretty, prim, proper, and (almost) perfect. We’re told that we should be able to do it all- cook, clean, concentrate on our careers, care for our loved ones, conceal our blemishes, and console others with the same counsel that we often can’t take for ourselves. Stressed out yet?

Kimmelman’s critique of the current housing situation in NYC is parallel to this struggle that we face. We are forced into the tiny limitations of our human weakness, yet expect to amount to greatness. Instead of believing by faith that God’s grace is sufficient to live for His glory, we often wear ourselves out trying to build our own city. Frustrated yet?

I have to remember that God is the one who stretched out the heavens and created everything under it. He has given us freedom in His dominion to live out our newly redeemed lives to the fullest. We are a new creation in Christ! To use the architecture illustration, we’ve got to design and build the housing that suits who we have become. Our building codes are spiritual disciplines- there are some rules for our own protection; but that doesn’t mean we have to settle with boring, bland, dull stuff. Let’s use some bright colors and fun patterns; let’s design with the creativity that we’ve been gifted with. Clearing out these spaces in our lives so that God’s grand purpose can take over? Now that sounds refreshing.

I’ve been itching to do a “space inventory” of my life recently:

• Do I have room in my schedule to spend quality time with my Father?
• Does my mind have the capacity to take in His Word and promises for me each day?
• Is my heart an open territory for the Holy Spirit to do His work?
• Is my home a welcoming environment to be a hospitable place for my spiritual family?
• Are my hands and feet available to obey and serve others?

What kind of space will I need to fully live as a woman of God?

Girly matters?

One of my favorite childhood pictures is one of me with two other girls on Easter. We’re all wearing frilly white dresses: the two girls beside me are sparkly-eyed with hair perfectly curled and smiles to match.  I’m scowling in the middle with pin straight hair in my face and shoulders slumped.

Yep. Girly matters.

Even back then I hated girly matters.  I was never into dresses, the color pink, or puppy stuffed animals that would wag its tail and bark.  Instead, I liked climbing trees, collecting earthworms, and playing football with my neighborhood friends.

This didn’t make me any less of a girl, just less girly.

Of course, it took me years to realize that.  So many times I wondered if God forgot to sprinkle extra girl-dust on me that would magically make my eyelashes curl, waist slim down, and clothing perfectly fit (a la Anne Hathaway’s Prada & Princess transformations). I was dying to know: would a perfect life come with the perfect looks like it seemed with all the other girls?

I’ve now realized, that perfect looks do NOT equal a great life. This sounds silly and obvious, but tell that to the 12 year-old in you who still secretly believes that girls don’t “run the world”, PRETTY girls do. Hence our need to be perfect…or at least, LOOK the part.

Girl matters.

I’m hoping that this blog will be a place where we can throw out the perfect and embrace the REAL things that we share as sisters –  past the appearances and into the heart.